Last night's blog post made me think that perhaps I should make a list of the things I need to do in the next month or so before school starts again, and I lose all of my free time.
This list made me panic a little a bit, and I suppose that panicking led to me having my first wedding dream in which I was sharing a reception venue with some other bride and we were basically having side by side dueling ceremonies (two completely different ceremonies and guests, but they were going on in the same space at the same time). We couldn't start my ceremony until this other bride showed up, and she, of course, was late. In the meantime, I had to use the restroom (where the floor was totally soaking wet) and using the restroom somehow turned my gown from white to emerald green (so now I'm apparently Scarlett O'Hara or something). Finally the other bride shows up, and I look out towards the ceremony site only to find that it's...my elementary school playground. WTF?
Mind you, we saw Inception last night so now I'm completely obsessed with the symbolism of the dream and all that.
In any event, I realize now that perhaps I should not belittle others for feeling overwhelmed. I also realize that blogging (and eating pizza) right before bed is probably not the best tactic to keep my mind clear with all the planning. Point noted.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
So...we're moving along (kind of)
There's an honest reason why I haven't posted much - we've gotten some planning accomplished without much conflict or upheaval to my non-girly sensibilities. While this is great for our planning, it's not so great for blog posts based on being a fish out of water. For my long term sanity, I'd prefer planning going smoothly.
Now that I'm 8+ months out, I struggle to understand why some brides feel so overwhelmed by the enormity of it all (please feel free to rub my nose in this statement at the 2 weeks out mark). If you give yourself 15 choices for every vendor and every item on your checklist, then you will always feel like you don't know what decision to make or who to choose. If you identify what you're looking for ahead of time and find one or two possible options, it shouldn't be so tough or agonizing.
Here's what we've done so far...
1) Chosen a date and picked a venue for ceremony and reception
We decided that, in order to have our wedding in the location we wanted, we'd have to do offseason and the early spring is the only part of the "offseason" (which is clearly not consistent among vendors) that would work for us.
We did some research, and gave ourselves two options for a venue. These options were literally a block away from one another. One was a full service hotel/catering hall with beautiful views and unique features with an award winning caterer that included largely inclusive packages.
The other was a historic landmark and was a blank canvas of sorts. The coordinator of this venue tried to sell this to me at the aforementioned bridal show. Having to bring in all your own vendors gives you, "a lot of flexibility and allows you to make your choices to design your own wedding". You know how that sounded in my own head? "You're going to have a ton of details to sort out and vendors to coordinate. You'll get to make many decisions and you'll have the full pressure of figuring out how to set up the room, decorate and time everything perfectly".
Right.
We chose the full service catering hall/hotel.
2) Set our wedding parties
This was tougher for me than my fiance. Because I've always been one of the guys, we've had a ton more guy friends than girl friends. I just don't know how to socialize with women my own age. It's always been a struggle. My fiance had a list of groomsmen and his best man ready two days after we were married. I was luckily able to pull together the four women (and really the only women) closest to me.
This, however, has turned out to be a good thing. My sister is my maid of honor, and I have three friends who are all very organized, willing to help, and very driven. I figure this will help when I'm ready to pull all the hair out of my head at the said 2 week out mark. Meanwhile, my fiance has his brother and three friends from college. I think I win that race.
3) Found a baker for the cake
We have a favorite bar/restaurant in the town in which we're getting married. We've gone there for years, and it's like a second home. The baker there makes the most amazing desserts, so we asked if she does wedding cakes. As it turns out, she's done a few and was more than happy to do our cake for a great price. No need to search any further.
4) Tentatively scheduled our rehearsal dinner
At our favorite bar/restaurant. If we could have our reception there, we would, quite frankly. All I ask is that the vomit in the girls restroom from the college kids "totally partying" the night before is cleaned up by the time we get there.
5) Bridesmaid dresses
I've found an online company for the bridesmaid dresses, and possibly even my gown. I sent my bridesmaids the potential colors and am giving them their choice of several styles.
6) Favors
We're doing donations to two charities in honor of my late aunt and in support of my fiance's uncle.
That's about all I have so far. I've looked at a few photographers, officiants, and invitations. I've also emailed a hairstylist to inquire about her availability. I've got ideas for flowers - just have to find a florist who can work with my budget. I've also put together ideas for place cards, programs, menus, and table cards. We also have a DJ in mind who is a friend of my fiance's and we've seen work another wedding.
Ultimately, nothing is crazy or out of hand yet.
Why do I feel like this is just the calm before the storm?
Now that I'm 8+ months out, I struggle to understand why some brides feel so overwhelmed by the enormity of it all (please feel free to rub my nose in this statement at the 2 weeks out mark). If you give yourself 15 choices for every vendor and every item on your checklist, then you will always feel like you don't know what decision to make or who to choose. If you identify what you're looking for ahead of time and find one or two possible options, it shouldn't be so tough or agonizing.
Here's what we've done so far...
1) Chosen a date and picked a venue for ceremony and reception
We decided that, in order to have our wedding in the location we wanted, we'd have to do offseason and the early spring is the only part of the "offseason" (which is clearly not consistent among vendors) that would work for us.
We did some research, and gave ourselves two options for a venue. These options were literally a block away from one another. One was a full service hotel/catering hall with beautiful views and unique features with an award winning caterer that included largely inclusive packages.
The other was a historic landmark and was a blank canvas of sorts. The coordinator of this venue tried to sell this to me at the aforementioned bridal show. Having to bring in all your own vendors gives you, "a lot of flexibility and allows you to make your choices to design your own wedding". You know how that sounded in my own head? "You're going to have a ton of details to sort out and vendors to coordinate. You'll get to make many decisions and you'll have the full pressure of figuring out how to set up the room, decorate and time everything perfectly".
Right.
We chose the full service catering hall/hotel.
2) Set our wedding parties
This was tougher for me than my fiance. Because I've always been one of the guys, we've had a ton more guy friends than girl friends. I just don't know how to socialize with women my own age. It's always been a struggle. My fiance had a list of groomsmen and his best man ready two days after we were married. I was luckily able to pull together the four women (and really the only women) closest to me.
This, however, has turned out to be a good thing. My sister is my maid of honor, and I have three friends who are all very organized, willing to help, and very driven. I figure this will help when I'm ready to pull all the hair out of my head at the said 2 week out mark. Meanwhile, my fiance has his brother and three friends from college. I think I win that race.
3) Found a baker for the cake
We have a favorite bar/restaurant in the town in which we're getting married. We've gone there for years, and it's like a second home. The baker there makes the most amazing desserts, so we asked if she does wedding cakes. As it turns out, she's done a few and was more than happy to do our cake for a great price. No need to search any further.
4) Tentatively scheduled our rehearsal dinner
At our favorite bar/restaurant. If we could have our reception there, we would, quite frankly. All I ask is that the vomit in the girls restroom from the college kids "totally partying" the night before is cleaned up by the time we get there.
5) Bridesmaid dresses
I've found an online company for the bridesmaid dresses, and possibly even my gown. I sent my bridesmaids the potential colors and am giving them their choice of several styles.
6) Favors
We're doing donations to two charities in honor of my late aunt and in support of my fiance's uncle.
That's about all I have so far. I've looked at a few photographers, officiants, and invitations. I've also emailed a hairstylist to inquire about her availability. I've got ideas for flowers - just have to find a florist who can work with my budget. I've also put together ideas for place cards, programs, menus, and table cards. We also have a DJ in mind who is a friend of my fiance's and we've seen work another wedding.
Ultimately, nothing is crazy or out of hand yet.
Why do I feel like this is just the calm before the storm?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
May I Pin You?
I'm a one stop shop kind of girl. I appreciate the simplicity of going to Target to buy a new pair of jeans, an emergency tool kit for my car, and a frozen pizza all in one shot.
When I started planning, I thought that websites and magazines were just too overwhelming for me. (Real Simple Weddings is still mocking me from my coffee table, by the way). I thought that my one stop shopping preferences would be perfect for a bridal "expo" - a place where one could meet florists, menswear store owners, caterers, and venue coordinators all in one place. I could not have possibly been more wrong.
We decided early in the process to get married in southern RI. We lived there for eight years between college and grad school/post college life before we moved to Providence a few years ago. It's a location we both love tremendously, plus it is centrally located for our families. When I saw that a bridal show was being held in southern RI, I jumped at the chance to go.
My fiance was working that day, and since we had just started planning, we hadn't asked anyone to be in our bridal party yet either. This meant I was going it alone. I should have known it was going to be a bad idea when I was accosted by looming floral arrangements and a plethora of pamphlets, magazines, and business cards being handed out by the local tourism bureau the moment I walked through the door.
I was told all of the vendors were upstairs and apparently couldn't wait to meet me (!), so I walked up the narrow winding staircase wondering what I had gotten myself into. I was greeted by the president of the tourism bureau who blocked me like a goalie from entering the expo displays.
Sally: "Hello, my name is Sally. Welcome to the county tourism bridal expo!"
Me: "Thanks..."
Sally: "Are you a bride?"
Me: "I'm engaged, yes." Wouldn't I only be a bride on the day I get married?
Sally: "OH!! Congratulations!! May I pin you?"
Me (horrified): "May you what me?"
Sally: "Pin you...we're pinning all the brides with a seashell pin".
Me (backing away slowly): "...I...guess." Apparently, I was rushing a super-duper, double secret sorority.
It was all downhill from there. I was fighting for information in a throng of other future brides, their moms, bridesmaids, and even, future husbands (who looked miserable). I was told I looked overwhelmed by a wedding planner who could "totally" help me out because I "totally" looked like I needed it. If she used the word, "totally", one more time, I was "totally" going to flip out.
I got tangled up in the train of a model bride's hideous gown, I ate luke warm appetizers from local caterers, and mainly was treated like a lepur by all involved because I didn't have a color board or a theme, or, at that time, even a date in mind.
Basically, I learned I was the worst bride on the face of the Earth and I had better get myself into gear if I was going to pull together anything remotely respectable. I did walk away with some business cards, pamphlets, a bruised ego...oh and a seashell pin.
When I started planning, I thought that websites and magazines were just too overwhelming for me. (Real Simple Weddings is still mocking me from my coffee table, by the way). I thought that my one stop shopping preferences would be perfect for a bridal "expo" - a place where one could meet florists, menswear store owners, caterers, and venue coordinators all in one place. I could not have possibly been more wrong.
We decided early in the process to get married in southern RI. We lived there for eight years between college and grad school/post college life before we moved to Providence a few years ago. It's a location we both love tremendously, plus it is centrally located for our families. When I saw that a bridal show was being held in southern RI, I jumped at the chance to go.
My fiance was working that day, and since we had just started planning, we hadn't asked anyone to be in our bridal party yet either. This meant I was going it alone. I should have known it was going to be a bad idea when I was accosted by looming floral arrangements and a plethora of pamphlets, magazines, and business cards being handed out by the local tourism bureau the moment I walked through the door.
I was told all of the vendors were upstairs and apparently couldn't wait to meet me (!), so I walked up the narrow winding staircase wondering what I had gotten myself into. I was greeted by the president of the tourism bureau who blocked me like a goalie from entering the expo displays.
Sally: "Hello, my name is Sally. Welcome to the county tourism bridal expo!"
Me: "Thanks..."
Sally: "Are you a bride?"
Me: "I'm engaged, yes." Wouldn't I only be a bride on the day I get married?
Sally: "OH!! Congratulations!! May I pin you?"
Me (horrified): "May you what me?"
Sally: "Pin you...we're pinning all the brides with a seashell pin".
Me (backing away slowly): "...I...guess." Apparently, I was rushing a super-duper, double secret sorority.
It was all downhill from there. I was fighting for information in a throng of other future brides, their moms, bridesmaids, and even, future husbands (who looked miserable). I was told I looked overwhelmed by a wedding planner who could "totally" help me out because I "totally" looked like I needed it. If she used the word, "totally", one more time, I was "totally" going to flip out.
I got tangled up in the train of a model bride's hideous gown, I ate luke warm appetizers from local caterers, and mainly was treated like a lepur by all involved because I didn't have a color board or a theme, or, at that time, even a date in mind.
Basically, I learned I was the worst bride on the face of the Earth and I had better get myself into gear if I was going to pull together anything remotely respectable. I did walk away with some business cards, pamphlets, a bruised ego...oh and a seashell pin.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The planning begins...
Fairly early on in our engagement, we decided that we wanted an early spring (late March/early April) wedding. This is considered off season for our preferred geographical location and thus, would help keep costs down, but would also give us a decent chance of having nice weather. With a general date set, I knew the serious planning was upon us.
When you're newly engaged and you have no idea how to even begin to plan your wedding, you have several options to get started.
Wedding websites are the most accessible option. But, accessible is not always good. The sites' "real weddings" may have been thrown by actual couples getting married (not hired actors or drones) but these people are in no way "real". Even the supposedly simple, understated weddings have a level of coordination and detail that a "real" person would never be able to achieve.
The next available option to early brides-to-be are wedding magazines. I bought a couple of these and quickly realized that they're not so much magazines that inform you of the planning process, but are basically 200 page ads for hideous wedding gowns. I hoped to find at least one magazine that would be useful for someone who has no clue, and my aunt (who recently planned a wedding of her own) suggested I pick up a copy of "Real Simple Weddings". I thought, "Real Simple...sounds like this will, you know, make things simple".
"Real Simple" is basically a book of lists...what you should do 12 months out (everything!), 9 months out (minor details for everything!), 6 months out (firm up all of your minor details for everything!), 3 months out (begin a complete physical makeover!) and one month out (prepare for mayhem!). While I appreciated the organization, I felt completed overwhelmed by page 3. I was in full on panic attack mode, slammed the magazine shut and left it at that. This magazine still mocks me daily from my coffee table.
None of these have helped so far, so next time I post, I'll talk about the worst decision I've made so far: going to a bridal show.
When you're newly engaged and you have no idea how to even begin to plan your wedding, you have several options to get started.
Wedding websites are the most accessible option. But, accessible is not always good. The sites' "real weddings" may have been thrown by actual couples getting married (not hired actors or drones) but these people are in no way "real". Even the supposedly simple, understated weddings have a level of coordination and detail that a "real" person would never be able to achieve.
The next available option to early brides-to-be are wedding magazines. I bought a couple of these and quickly realized that they're not so much magazines that inform you of the planning process, but are basically 200 page ads for hideous wedding gowns. I hoped to find at least one magazine that would be useful for someone who has no clue, and my aunt (who recently planned a wedding of her own) suggested I pick up a copy of "Real Simple Weddings". I thought, "Real Simple...sounds like this will, you know, make things simple".
"Real Simple" is basically a book of lists...what you should do 12 months out (everything!), 9 months out (minor details for everything!), 6 months out (firm up all of your minor details for everything!), 3 months out (begin a complete physical makeover!) and one month out (prepare for mayhem!). While I appreciated the organization, I felt completed overwhelmed by page 3. I was in full on panic attack mode, slammed the magazine shut and left it at that. This magazine still mocks me daily from my coffee table.
None of these have helped so far, so next time I post, I'll talk about the worst decision I've made so far: going to a bridal show.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Back to the Beginning
So...we're about 5 months into our engagement. We have not chosen a venue for our ceremony or reception or a caterer...or attire...or a photographer...or, well basically anything. And, God knows, I certainly don't have a "vision" or a preferred color scheme.
What we do know is that we want to get married in about a year (late March/early April 2011), which leaves us (really, me, let's be honest) a year to get this whole thing together. This is particularly daunting as I'm pretty much what my friends have always called an "un-girl" or an "anti-girly girl". Next to all of my close friends are guys (this will problematic when creating my half of the wedding party), I love to watch sports at sports bars, and while I will admit to watching reality TV (hello, Tim Gunn...I love you!), I am probably the least girly girl most people know (unless they've met my sister).
When it comes to weddings, I never had dreams about what my "big day" would be when I was 5 years old and I definitely don't have a wedding binder (although I learned quickly that a bride to be will acquire so many pamphlets and business cards with very important information that a binder isn't some pretentious thing, as I originally thought - it's absolutely necessary to keep everything in one place so I don't drown in a sea of loose paper). I certainly don't have a color board and I haven't really figured out what has inspired our wedding (um...that I love my fiance and we're getting married?) or what our theme will be. (Side note...you should figure these things out before going to a bridal show or else you will be treated as if you have the bubonic plague by vendors.)
I figure that keeping a blog will be a nice way for me to vent my frustrations as we plan, maybe get some feedback from other brides who have known what they wanted for their wedding from the time they were fetuses, and really, will just be a way for us to have an account of this whole process so that when we're finally married, I can look back and see that all of my "pulling my hair out" moments were worth it.
I guess it would be helpful to backtrack a bit. My fiance (I really hate that word, by the way) and I have been together for 10 and a half years. We met during October of our first year of college. Our first date was a walk around campus, and we ended up back in his friend's dorm room watching WWE Monday Night Raw. We've basically been inseparable ever since. We've lived together for the past 7 years or so, and it's never really been a question that we'd get married some day.
Our anniversary is October 13th (we're actually not even sure this is the right date...we just knew we decided to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" sometime around October 13th and felt like we needed to have an official date). The night before our 10th anniversary, we went to our favorite bar for dinner and came back to our apartment. Fifteen minutes before midnight on Oct. 12th (so as to avoid waiting 10 years to ask me), my fiance said, "I have a question for you."
Me (while folding laundry): "Okay...shoot."
Him: "Come over here and sit next to me." And I did. "Will you marry me?"
Me: "Are you serious? You're seriously asking me right now?"
Yeah...I have some tact...really sensitive to the fact that this is likely one of the more nerve wracking moments in his life.
Him: "Yeah, I'm really serious." A look of panic sets in.
Me: "Yes, yes of course!"
Really touching, I know.
I'm an idiot.
And so began our journey as an engaged couple. We called our parents, called/texted our friends, and now, we begin the process of putting a huge ceremony and party together.
Over the next couple weeks, I hope to get caught up on what we've done so far (not much) and continue to post as we plan and discuss our blurry eyed vision. It should be a ton of fun.
What we do know is that we want to get married in about a year (late March/early April 2011), which leaves us (really, me, let's be honest) a year to get this whole thing together. This is particularly daunting as I'm pretty much what my friends have always called an "un-girl" or an "anti-girly girl". Next to all of my close friends are guys (this will problematic when creating my half of the wedding party), I love to watch sports at sports bars, and while I will admit to watching reality TV (hello, Tim Gunn...I love you!), I am probably the least girly girl most people know (unless they've met my sister).
When it comes to weddings, I never had dreams about what my "big day" would be when I was 5 years old and I definitely don't have a wedding binder (although I learned quickly that a bride to be will acquire so many pamphlets and business cards with very important information that a binder isn't some pretentious thing, as I originally thought - it's absolutely necessary to keep everything in one place so I don't drown in a sea of loose paper). I certainly don't have a color board and I haven't really figured out what has inspired our wedding (um...that I love my fiance and we're getting married?) or what our theme will be. (Side note...you should figure these things out before going to a bridal show or else you will be treated as if you have the bubonic plague by vendors.)
I figure that keeping a blog will be a nice way for me to vent my frustrations as we plan, maybe get some feedback from other brides who have known what they wanted for their wedding from the time they were fetuses, and really, will just be a way for us to have an account of this whole process so that when we're finally married, I can look back and see that all of my "pulling my hair out" moments were worth it.
I guess it would be helpful to backtrack a bit. My fiance (I really hate that word, by the way) and I have been together for 10 and a half years. We met during October of our first year of college. Our first date was a walk around campus, and we ended up back in his friend's dorm room watching WWE Monday Night Raw. We've basically been inseparable ever since. We've lived together for the past 7 years or so, and it's never really been a question that we'd get married some day.
Our anniversary is October 13th (we're actually not even sure this is the right date...we just knew we decided to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" sometime around October 13th and felt like we needed to have an official date). The night before our 10th anniversary, we went to our favorite bar for dinner and came back to our apartment. Fifteen minutes before midnight on Oct. 12th (so as to avoid waiting 10 years to ask me), my fiance said, "I have a question for you."
Me (while folding laundry): "Okay...shoot."
Him: "Come over here and sit next to me." And I did. "Will you marry me?"
Me: "Are you serious? You're seriously asking me right now?"
Yeah...I have some tact...really sensitive to the fact that this is likely one of the more nerve wracking moments in his life.
Him: "Yeah, I'm really serious." A look of panic sets in.
Me: "Yes, yes of course!"
Really touching, I know.
I'm an idiot.
And so began our journey as an engaged couple. We called our parents, called/texted our friends, and now, we begin the process of putting a huge ceremony and party together.
Over the next couple weeks, I hope to get caught up on what we've done so far (not much) and continue to post as we plan and discuss our blurry eyed vision. It should be a ton of fun.
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